He Gave Me Jennifer

It really seems so long ago.
when I would spend
most every night-
engrossed in deep thought
of a meaningful poem that
I could write.

Now I spend each and every
precious hour-
with a dear sweet child who is as
innocent as a Spring flower,
that blooms into life, to make
my heart gay,
after the harsh and cold weariness
of a long winter day.

She has brought me a happiness
that could be brought by none other.
Now I know how to need, feel, and love
like a mother.

Oh, Lord, Thank You, for Jennifer,
my dear sweet child
who is as beautiful
as in the Springtime
the Flocks that grow wild-
that bloom into life to
make my heart gay
after the harsh and cold
weariness of a long winter day.

I wrote this on February 20, 1975

On Sunday, August 25, 1974 at approximately 8:00 PM, I was watching the Disney Daniel Boone television show starring Fess Parker when I began to feel labor pains. Later on the pains were much stronger and closer together, so my now ex-husband Ron and I headed to Easton Hospital in Wilson Borough, PA. At that time we had lived on E. Central Avenue in Alpha, NJ.

Early the next morning Dr. Bisset ordered an X-Ray to see why I had not dilated enough to give birth, as the labor pains had been so strong and close together. At around noon time I was told that I was being wheeled up to the operating room and they were performing an emergency C-Section.

I gave birth at 1:23 PM on August 26, 1974 to a baby girl. Later in the week a cleaning lady told me that my sisters Irene, and Ruth Ann were jumping up and down and screaming when they heard the news. Up until that time we had three nephews and there were no nieces. I named her Jennifer after the actress Jennifer O'Neal, and her middle name Marie was the same as my mother's middle name.

The following few days were the scariest of my life. Immediately after returning to my room, I could not move my body, I felt paralyzed. Once that wore off, and I was helped to the bathroom, I bled profusely. Two days later I had to have a blood transfusion. I developed a fever that escalated to 104.6, and the nurses gave me an ice cold alcohol bath for a total of thirty minutes.
I did not get to hold my new baby girl for six days. I wanted to breast feed so I had to pump my breasts. The IV infiltrated and my left arm blew up like a balloon, and was extremely painful.

On September 1, 1974 I was able to return home with my new baby girl. My sister Ruth Ann spent the next few days with me. I can remember feeling inadequate and scared. I shared my feelings with Ruth Ann, and she agreed. We both were apprehensive about caring for this precious new life. We did it though, with tender loving care. The day her umbilical cord fell off and bled a little , we definitely freaked out. I called the doctor who said it was normal.

One day in February of 1975 when Jennifer was almost six months old I had an epiphany while changing her diaper. It suddenly occurred to that one day she would no longer need me to care for her. I felt like there was a hole in my heart. It was at that moment that I sat down and wrote the above poem for my lovely little daughter.

The harsh winter day that I speak of in the poem, was my marriage to Jennifer's father. I had a horrible marriage to a philandering alcoholic who spent every penny on his obsessions. He verbally abused me whenever he had the chance. It was the most horrible five years of my life, and giving birth to Jennifer was the only event that made this marriage have purpose. Caring for Jennifer, and giving and receiving her love made life bearable.

Throughout the years to come, we have had our ups and downs, the same as most parents and children. She has since given me three beautiful grandchildren who always bring joy to my life. A few years ago she went to school to become a Phlebotomist, and loves this line of work. GOD certainly knew what a joy a child would be in my life when HE gave me Jennifer.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNIFER!  Mommy loves you!